Phubbing puts relationships at risk, say mental health experts

Mental health experts warn that excessive phone use, or 'phubbing', is eroding emotional connection among couples. Cases in Hyderabad show partners walking out due to neglect. Over time, this behaviour creates emotional distance, resentment, and even thoughts of separation

By Vaikhari

Hyderabad: Notification sounds of text messages pull you toward the screen, but what if they drift you apart from your loved ones? The addictive attention that you give to your phone can lead to disputes with your partner.

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Recently, two instances were reported in Serilingampally where partners left home due to disputes over excessive phone usage. Instances such as these could be seen as among the detrimental effects of excessive phone addiction.

Relaxing or avoiding:

Often, the habit of doomscrolling and phone usage is brushed off as a medium to relieve stress.

However, Dr Sudhir Kumar, Head of the Neurology Department at Apollo Hospitals in Jubilee Hills, says, “The distinction often lies in context and intent. When someone consistently chooses the screen over meaningful interaction, especially during emotionally significant moments, it may signal emotional avoidance.”

Currently, a new term called ‘phubbing’ has emerged, meaning ignoring someone to focus on your phone. This behaviour addresses the issue of snubbing partners. This avoidant behaviour can be a subtle form of disengagement, often stemming from stress, unresolved conflicts, or discomfort with intimacy.

Experts also point out that generational differences can shape one’s attitude toward digital boundaries. Studies suggest younger couples (under age 35) are more likely to report phone-related distractions from their partner, with 44 per cent saying their spouse is on the phone too much, compared to 34 per cent of older couples (ages 35–55).

Emotional disconnect:

Experts say that humans are wired for connection, and a perceived lack of attention due to phone usage may trigger a primal fear of rejection or inadequacy in partners. The act itself is not hurtful, but the emotional absence and being sidelined make it feel like a breach of intimacy.

Dr Niveditha Samala, Clinical Head of Sukoon Psychiatry Centre, says, “A good relationship is defined not just by the quality of time spent together but also the quantity, which is now being intruded upon by smartphones.”

Talking about the phenomenon of ‘Intimacy Famine’, where increasing phone interactions are adversely affecting the intimate time spent with the partner, she says, “Over time, this repeated behaviour erodes relationship satisfaction and can even lead to thoughts of separation or divorce.”

The silent sufferers:

Usually, when partners feel ignored, they struggle to voice their concerns and initially bottle up their emotions, which slowly grow into silent resentment. But if they do voice their concerns and it falls on deaf ears, it causes shame, frustration, or rejection among them, leading to emotional withdrawal rather than confrontation. Over time, this can strain the relationship beyond repair.

Poor communication over a prolonged period leads to emotional distance, and Dr Samala says, “Partners often misinterpret or dismiss each other’s feelings, especially when attempts to raise concerns are met with defensiveness or are poorly timed.”

Also, parental technoference (distraction caused by smartphone use) can significantly harm a child’s interaction with their parents and others as well. Parents come off as less approachable to children and can deter their interpersonal skill development.

Avoid blame game:

Framing is key to avoiding unnecessary conflict. So, frame your words carefully to avoid sounding accusatory. Dr Kumar suggests the usage of gentle, emotion-focused language.

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Terminology

Phubbing: The act of ignoring one’s immediate social interactions in favour of engaging with a smartphone
Technoference: Intrusion of technology into interpersonal relationships
Intimacy Famine: Increasing tech dependence depriving personal time and space between people