Opinion: Accept chaos for well-being
The relentless pursuit of control is driven by a fear of failure, causing stress when life inevitably resists such rigid constraints
By Viiveck Verma
Control is a tricky concept. While having it can make you feel powerful, not having it can lead to feelings of despair. Yet, in today’s extraordinarily unpredictable world, not only can the pressure to maintain control and order be overwhelming, but control itself, despite one’s best efforts, can seem deeply and unsparingly elusive. Consequently, constant striving for it can lead to significant stress, anxiety and other mental health issues. While the alternative to this would be letting go of the propensity to control, it is not a simple process as it would need us to accept the one all-pervasive phenomenon that situates our lives today: chaos. Let us examine this with rigour.
In the grand tapestry of existence, we cannot dictate the intricate patterns of how the world functions and changes. Since life is inherently unpredictable, with many factors outside our zone of influence, attempting to control everything can lead to frustration and anxiety. For example, imagine you are stuck in a traffic jam on your way to an important meeting. Instead of getting anxious and stressed about being late, practising mindfulness allows you to stay present, acknowledge the situation and accept that some factors are beyond your control. This approach can reduce stress and help you respond more calmly.
Embracing Uncertainty
Accepting chaos involves embracing uncertainty and complexity, which can lead to greater creativity, adaptability and resilience. It reduces stress and conflict associated with rigid control, creating an environment where individuals and systems can thrive and self-organise. By accepting chaos, we open ourselves to new possibilities and opportunities that controlled environments might suppress, ultimately leading to more sustainable and holistic outcomes.
At some level, the desire for complete control over life is intrinsically linked to perfectionism because both stem from a profound need to eliminate uncertainty and avoid mistakes. Perfectionists often hold themselves to impossibly high standards, striving for an ideal that leaves no room for error or unpredictability. This mindset leads to an obsessive attempt to micromanage every aspect of life, in the hope of achieving flawless outcomes.
The relentless pursuit of control is driven by a fear of failure and imperfection, causing stress and anxiety when life inevitably resists such rigid constraints. For example, a student striving for perfect grades may experience immense pressure and stress. By accepting that there is no such thing as a monolithic idea of excellence and focusing on doing their best, students can reduce duress, enjoy learning and maintain mental well-being.
Enhancing Resilience
Finding meaning in difficult experiences can provide a sense of purpose and direction, enhancing mental resilience. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks and challenges, which is crucial for mental health. For instance, after losing a job, viewing the situation as a temporary setback and a chance to explore new career opportunities can foster resilience. This mindset helps in coping with the immediate stress and opens up possibilities for personal and professional growth.
Embracing chaos significantly improves emotional regulation by fostering a mindset that is more adaptable and less reactive to unexpected events. When individuals let go of the need to control every aspect of their lives, they become better equipped to handle the natural ebb and flow of emotions that accompany life’s unpredictability. This acceptance allows for a more balanced emotional response to stressors, as people learn to view challenges and setbacks not as catastrophic failures but as normal and manageable parts of the human experience.
By acknowledging that not everything can be anticipated or controlled, individuals develop a greater tolerance for ambiguity and uncertainty, which in turn reduces the intensity of negative emotions such as anxiety, frustration and disappointment. This shift in perspective encourages a more patient and composed approach to problem-solving and decision-making, leading to enhanced emotional stability and a more adaptive mental space.
Engaging with Hows
However, if we have dealt with the whys, it is necessary to engage with the hows. First of all, there is a need for flexible planning to pragmatically deal with a life that is capricious. When making plans, always have backup options or contingency plans. For instance, if you’re planning an outdoor event, consider indoor alternatives in case of bad weather. Instead of rigid and specific goals, set broad, flexible goals that allow for multiple paths to success.
Regularly review and adjust your plans based on new information or changing circumstances. Be willing to pivot and adapt rather than stubbornly sticking to the original plan. This approach reduces stress by lowering the stakes of any single outcome and allows you to remain adaptable and open to new opportunities. It fosters a mindset that views change as a natural and manageable part of life.
The second way to not let the chaos of life overwhelm is to limit information overload. Reducing information overload helps maintain mental clarity, lowers anxiety and prevents feeling overwhelmed by constant negative or chaotic news. This can significantly improve focus and emotional stability. The other important factor is to practice and feel gratitude. Focusing on gratitude shifts attention from what is not in your control or going wrong to what is positive and stable. This practice can foster a positive outlook and reduce stress by reinforcing a sense of appreciation and well-being.
Finally, to accept chaos, one has to accept imperfections. For example, when you make a mistake, recognise it without harsh self-criticism. Understand that errors are part of the learning process. Aim for progress, not perfection. Doing this reduces the pressure to be flawless, which can lead to lower stress levels and greater self-acceptance. It fosters a healthier self-image, encourages risk-taking and creativity, and helps maintain a balanced perspective on personal growth and achievement.
Accepting chaos is crucial for maintaining and consolidating mental health in a world full of uncertainties. By letting go of perfectionism, building resilience, showing self-compassion, and finding meaning in chaotic experiences and translating these ideals into beneficial practices, individuals can reduce stress, enhance emotional well-being and lead a more fulfilling life.
Embracing chaos does not mean giving up on structure or goals; it means being flexible and resilient in the face of life’s inevitable uncertainties. In the vast theatre of life, where chaos reigns as the master playwright, we can find serenity not in our futile attempts to control the script, but in embracing the unpredictable.
(The author is Founder & CEO, Upsurge Global, Adviser & Adjunct Professor, EThames College, and Strategic Adviser and Venture Partner, SilverNeedle Ventures)
