Shifting focus from perfection to progress allows one to see what is working rather than feeling discouraged by the failure
By Jaskiran Kaur
The biggest risk is not taking any risk. In a world that is changing quickly, the only strategy guaranteed to fail is not taking risks — Mark Zuckerberg
Have you ever stumbled upon a brilliant idea for a startup, a book plot, or an app development, only to find that, even after years, it’s still just an idea in your head? Despite endless tweaking, you feel it’s just not good enough yet. Your friends say it’s a game-changer, but you are still stuck in what they call analysis paralysis.
If that’s what you’re struggling with, then let me tell you that you are a perfectionist. While this term sounds refined and intellectual, it is a personality trait that may not be serving you well in your endeavours. Striving for perfection is not inherently wrong. It demonstrates your high standards and attention to detail, but it can also be self-sabotaging, leaving several dreams unaccomplished, brilliant ideas stacked in the attic, and some mind-blowing inventions incomplete.
Side-Effects
Perfectionism is the drive to be, look and act perfect, and analysis paralysis is its byproduct, identified as the inability to take action due to fear of failure or making an error. The desire to achieve perfect results on the first attempt may sound like the characteristic of a high achiever, but it can be burdensome and unrealistic.
In a society fixated on flawless outcomes, the pursuit of perfection can hinder personal development, confidence, and goal achievement. The perfectionist mindset can be debilitating, fostering a fear of failure and a relentless quest for unattainable ideals, leading individuals into a trap. In this trap, they constantly struggle with their desire to achieve perfect results performance after performance. These unrealistic expectations are psychologically burdensome, leading to an array of debilitating issues such as burnout, procrastination, anxiety, depression and more.
A systematic review of the psychological effects of perfectionism suggests that this personality style, driven to achieve goals with high-quality standards, can have a negative impact on all areas of an individual’s life, spanning all age groups, socioeconomic classifications, and ethnicities (Burgess & Dibartolo, 2016).
A recent study by Curran and Hill (2019) suggests that perfectionism is on the rise and is also a predictive marker of depression.
Perfectionists are compulsive hard workers, fearing mistakes, rejection, inadequacy and becoming overly critical of themselves. In the face of unmet expectations, there are greater chances of experiencing depression, anxiety and other severe psychological issues. While this is becoming a concerning issue among young people, it is an unrealistically impossible benchmark to achieve, causing a great deal of stress and occupying a large space in mind, hindering productivity levels. Once people trap themselves in what they perceive as supremacy, they become obsessed with others’ validation each time they perform, leading to emotional turmoil. The pressure to be perfect is rarely constructive.
Instead, the overwhelming demands to perform perfectly compel people to procrastinate or delay submissions until they feel it’s perfect — however, that day may never come, leading to negative emotions, exhaustion, low self-esteem, imposter syndrome and more.
As Thomas Curran and Andrew P Hill assert, perfectionists largely avoid failure due to their fear of exposing inner weaknesses or frailties, which pushes them to work excessively hard. “Their fear is that if they don’t do it perfectly, they’ll expose some inner weakness or frailty,” they explain in Harvard Business Review.
Practical Solution
One of the most practical solutions to overcoming the compulsive urge to appear flawless is valuing progress. There is nothing wrong with setting high standards; however, wanting to achieve them in a shorter period is simply not viable. Therefore, it is important to keep taking small and manageable steps consistently. Shifting focus from perfection to progress is akin to creating a hopeful future for oneself. It allows one to see what is working rather than feeling discouraged by the failure to accomplish goals at the outset.
Have you ever wondered why we fail at our New Year’s resolutions? It is simply because we are too attached to the perfect result instead of consistency in efforts, which actually means prolonged, continuous efforts over time. The emphasis is on making steady progress until the desired goal is achieved.
Setting SMART goals can help perfectionists ease the pressure and enjoy progress. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-based/timely. Defining these parameters will help set reasonable expectations and ensure that “something is done rather than nothing is done.”
Consistency is Key
Have you ever witnessed a child’s effort to learn to ride a bicycle? Consistently, for days, they practise riding until they can ride without support. They experience several falls and jerks, but their focus is on creating steady balance, knowing it’s a skill that can be learned through daily effort. As a result, the child not only learns to balance, steer, and pedal but also gains pride and self-confidence. The progression of learning to ride a bike is equivalent to the progression of confidence. Having said this, progress over perfection isn’t about compromising high standards or settling for less than excellence. It’s about learning from failures and understanding the facade that perfectionism presents. While perfectionism can lead to fatigue and quitting, progress is a continuous journey upwards. “Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralising,” psychologist and internationally renowned expert in women’s issues Dr Harriet Braiker said.
Making Mistakes
Another way to overcome perfectionism is to give yourself permission to make mistakes. Developing an understanding that mistakes are an inherent part of success is pivotal. Mistakes are opportunities to learn, grow and perform better. Expecting zero failures and perfect results is an illusion. Absence of error is no proof of correctness.
If we truly examine the journeys of successful people, we’ll learn that it wasn’t about high standards but their zeal for “improving on the go.” “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed,” as Michael B Jordan famously said. To overcome the urge to be perfect, it’s important to rethink our relationship with mistakes and failures.
Cultivating Self-Compassion
Developing compassion towards others and oneself is fundamental to letting go of the need to live, look and act perfectly. It eases the discomfort and pain of blame, judgment, and shame from others and oneself. Self-compassion is the practice of extending kindness to oneself in the face of failure, disappointments and rejection. In her bestselling book “The Gifts of Imperfection,” Dr Brene Brown describes perfectionism as a “twenty-ton shield that we lug around,” believing it will protect us when, in fact, it is “preventing us from taking flight.” She calls it a “self-destructive” and “addictive belief system.” However, with kindness towards ourselves, we can wash off perfectionism’s impact on us and others.
Cultivating this quality can help challenge negative beliefs and reduce harsh criticism, self-blame and self-doubt that often accompany perfectionism. Instead of viewing failures as reflections of worth or competence, embracing faults with gentleness can help build the resilience needed to overcome perfectionism and thrive in the face of adversity.
As Maya Angelou, the American poet and civil rights activist, said, “I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” This quote encapsulates the essence of resilience. Perfectionism may appear sophisticated and powerful on the outside, but it is truly weakening when paired with compulsive habits. Therefore, the first step to conquering it is by creating awareness of your thoughts and then readjusting your mindset toward self-acceptance and progress over perfection.
(The author is Certified Personal Growth and Mindset Coach)